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Letting Dad in balanced parenting

Whilst mothers are traditionally seen as the main carer, dads are often left on the sidelines of parenthood, finding themselves playing the role of observer rather than active participant: a situation which can often lead to tension between partners.

By working towards achieving better balanced parenting, you can help to foster a happier, more relaxed, family environment. You can also be confident that you’re well on your way to raising a better balanced child.

Respect each other’s worth

Even in today’s modern society, mothers are still seen as innately ‘the better parent’. Mums tend to think of the home and family as their domain. In much the same way, the role of fathers is seen as less important. Such a discrepancy can cause problems, not least, because if fathers are seen as less important within the family, then it becomes especially difficult for them to believe they can actually play a useful role. When it comes to parenting, there’s no real reason why dads should be any less capable than mums. Try to become aware that you both have equal worth as parents. That way, you will respect the fact that you can both make an important contribution to your baby’s well-being and welfare.

Share responsibilities, share the children

When parents don’t play equal roles within a family, it can often lead to power struggles. Such competition can draw energy out of a relationship and result in stress for both parents - something which can be communicated to even very young babies. Remember that there’s no such thing as a better parent and there’s no single best way to go about taking care of a baby. Try to swap jobs whenever possible, so that one parent isn’t always responsible for doing the same thing. Resist the temptation to interfere, even if you’re thinking, “I could do it better”. By working together, you can share responsibilities which, if you had to face them on your own, would prove far more onerous.

Improve teamwork

By acting as a parenting ‘team’, rather than as two individuals, you can provide support for each other in many different ways. This can include agreeing on a plan for preventing and responding to problems. You can also back each other up when you’re following through that plan. Be aware that even when teamwork doesn’t centre on the practical routine of caring for your baby, it can be just as beneficial for creating a happy and supportive household.

Recognise different strengths and weaknesses

It’s not just a question of who spends the most time with their baby, parents often have different skills or different approaches which can complement each other. For example, as a mother, you may take pride in being able to expertly care for your baby’s needs during the day. On the other hand, your partner may be excellent at calming tension at the end of a busy day, when both mother and baby are tired and fractious. Be aware that you both can bring something useful to the parenting process, and your baby can enjoy the best of both worlds

Christine Meadows is a highly regarded parenting consultant who works with families to teach essential confidence and skills for raising a baby. Christine is available to give advice through individual telephone consultations and home visits. To contact Christine or to find out more about her work, telephone (01373) 451019 or visit her website at www.christinemeadows.com.

Babies and TV: striking a balance

As a new parent, it’s a question that you’re sure to have asked yourself - and probably struggled to answer. Are you going to let your baby watch TV? Since the advent of children’s TV, whether or not babies should be allowed to become television viewers is a topic that seems to rarely leave the news.

There’s no doubt that TV is a powerful medium, captivating even very young babies. In fact, you only have to see a baby engrossed in their favourite programme to understand that the TV can be a source of great entertainment. And, yes, as the realities of life bite and the necessity for ‘getting things done’ takes over, it is easy to slip into a habit of using the TV as a form of distraction.

Like many aspects of parenting, however, it is possible to strike a balance. For parents who choose to let their baby watch TV, this involves taking a responsible attitude to television viewing and following a few simple guidelines.

Be selective. TV can be a rich source of learning for your baby. However, you do need to select programmes carefully. Babies are highly impressionable and can absorb what they and see and hear from a very early age - even though they can’t tell you yet. Make sure that anything you allow your baby to watch is age-appropriate and moves at the right pace.
View in moderation. TV-watching can become a habit, particularly if your baby is allowed unlimited access throughout the day, so it’s good to establish a few rules early on. From the start, set limits on how much time your baby watches TV. Even better, set aside a specific time during the week when you and your baby can watch TV together. A maximum of 30 minutes a day seems sensible. By limiting the amount of TV time for your baby, you are also freeing up time for play, when your baby can explore toys, books or the space around them. Such activities can be just as useful for distracting your baby. If you need to get on with chores around the home, a baby playpen provides a safe environment.
Join in! Children’s TV isn’t just for kids. It’s much better for your baby if you participate in their TV viewing too for a number of reasons. You are spending some all-important contact time with your baby. In addition, as a parent, you can point out interesting things that happen in the TV show, ask questions, name objects that you see, or encourage your baby to move to the music. You can also highlight behaviour that is good or bad so that your baby has an idea of what sort of behaviour you expect from them. By adding the ‘personal touch’ to your baby’s TV viewing, you are helping to nurture the relationship between you and get ‘added value’ from the programme itself.
Get creative. Children’s TV programmes can be a useful form of inspiration. The programmes that your baby views can be linked to other areas of play and your baby’s interests. For example, after an episode of Thomas the Tank Engine, you could get out a toy train set for your baby to play with. Likewise, you could read to your baby from a book that is connected or get out the crayons and encourage your baby to draw.
Christine Meadows is a highly regarded Parenting Consultant who works with families to teach the confidence and skills which are essential for raising a baby. Christine is available to give advice through individual telephone consultations and home visits. To contact Christine or to find out more about her work, telephone (01373) 451019 or visit her website at www.christinemeadows.com

Potty Training

Potty training is one of the most important things to teach your child. If it's not your first child you will know the "secrets" of successful potty training. If it's not though, you are likely to need a bit of help. Here are the answers of the most common questions every mother has when trying to teach her child to use the toilet.

When the potty training should start?
Most children can be trained to use the toilet or a potty chair since they become 18 months old. However every child is different and you can try earlier. Some mothers start to teach their child to use a potty chair since the kid can sit. The key secret is to put it on the potty chair and keep it occupied until it urinates. Although little children cannot fully understand why they are asked to sit there, they quickly gain the habit to use the potty chair.

How to make my child sit on the potty chair?
This might be tricky especially for older children. Seating at one place might be quite boring for a child and it may be hard for you to make it stay on the potty chair long enough. Remember one thing never ever punish your child for not staying calm on the potty chair. This can cause a lot of stress and actually make the whole learning process more difficult. Make the potty chair interesting and funny by decorating it with stickers, ready your child a fairytale, bring its toys and play with it. Try to come up with a range of interesting activities that will keep its mind occupied. Of course if you see that your kid is reaching a point where nothing can make it stay on the potty chair it's better to have a break and try again later.

What is the right age for toilet training?
Usually a child that is 2 years old is ready to start using the toilet. Although this age if specific for every child, there are some other factors that should be considered. Is your child able to control its calls of nature? Is your kid ready to recognize when it's voiding? Is your kid able to walk to and from the toilet, to pull pants up and down, get on and off the toilet without help? Finally is your child willing to go to the toilet? If the answer to all of the above is positive, than you can start the toilet training.

Books are there to help!

'Potty Time training pack' RRP £9.99 Publisher: 'Priddy Books'

What if my child has an accident occasionally in its pants?

Many parents come across the same problem. Although their child is already using the toilet or the potty chair without any problems, from time to time it "forgets". Do not worry this is quite normal considering the age of your child. The more you make it understand the whole process and its purpose, the easier it will become for your kid to avoid such situation. Read books about going to the toilet, watch videos and constantly explain and guide your child.

Childcare vouchers

If you pay for childcare or nursery fees, there's a hidden scheme that can save you thousands of pounds a year.
There's a little-known government scheme which can save you thousands on nursery fees or child minder costs, by allowing you to pay for it from your pre-tax salary.

It works by you giving up, for example, £2,000 of salary and exchanging it for £2,000 of childcare vouchers, which can be used at most registered nurseries and childminders.When you're paid £2,000, after tax and national insurance, most people only actually get to keep about £1,400 so by exchanging it for vouchers you're actually £300 better off. Not only that but both parents can do it, so you can gain even more.

To do this, your employer does need to offer the scheme. The majority of larger companies already do but even if they don't, it doesn't cost them anything to get involved. Don't be afraid to ask!

The Vaccination debate.

Vaccinations: a parents choice?

Sarah Dean is a former nurse practitioner who decided to give working for the NHS when her son became, as she thought, damaged by the MMR vaccine. A mother of five children she set up a private clinic to provide the kind of service she wanted from the NHS and to provide the kind of treatments that she knew were available but which were too expensive to provide on the National Health Service. She now runs Direct Health 2000 which runs clinics across the country, offering single vaccinations instead of the government recommended MMR jabs, and also a revolutionary range of treatments including drugs for bird flu and vaccines to help prevent cervical cancer.

Here she discusses the vaccination debate in more detail.

"It has been my great pleasure, for almost 7 years now, to have been able to offer a very real choice for parents in the vaccination debate.

Vaccination has become a highly emotive subject and one that will not disappear any time soon. With the latest findings, heated debates and future studies and court hearings pending, it is no wonder that parents are confused and afraid to vaccinate.

The first hurdle to overcome is deciding whether or not to vaccinate. I am a great believer in vaccination and would not suggest for one minute NOT to vaccinate. Vaccination programmes around the world have seen a steady decline in child hood disease rates. In an effort to stamp them out completely it is vital that we all take part and as a world community we should all stand behind vaccination. The major decision is “how”.

Indeed, it may well be that as a parent you are happy to have combined vaccines. Some parents abhor the thought of putting several different vaccinations into a baby all in one go and I have to say that I can understand this. Just keep in mind that there are always choices in how to vaccinate, there are clinics that offer single vaccination routes. The NHS does not have the sole duty of care over your child and they will tell you the information that is given to them by their governing body, the Department of Health. Whilst the information that they give is correct, to a point, it is not the only correct information that is available.

Be wary of health professionals that tell you single vaccines are not available, illegal or unsafe, this is just NOT true. Private clinics that offer single vaccines now have to be licensed by the Health Care Commission. In turn we are all governed by the Department of Health. The vaccines for single measles mumps and rubella are indeed imported from abroad but are very carefully controlled and examined. They are all licensed in the country of manufacture by the world health organisation and are all compliant with some very strenuously enforced certification requirements. In fact, some of the vaccines used in the private sector have jumped through many more such hoops of fire than those used in the NHS. For example, when there was a shortage of MMR combined vaccine the Department of Health began using an unlicensed vaccine from Germany without even informing the parents of this!! Some oversight! After making private clinics declare every single item and telling us that we are not permitted to advertise our clinics they flagrantly flaunt these rules to suit themselves by advertising that your child will definitely die if it does not receive the appropriate vaccines but by failing to tell you that the ones they are currently using are not licensed. And where was the advertising standards agency????? Blind sided like the rest of us!

The Medicines and Healthcare Regulatory Agency (MHRA) governs and controls these imports and requires that every import be authorised before they can even land in the UK. This requires 2 licences, a WI and a WL. These licences enable the qualified person (the person to whom the licence is granted) to import and distribute the vaccines in a very controlled manner.

Single vaccine clinics have some pretty hefty safety rulings, compliance laws and commission issues to overcome before they can even begin to vaccinate your child, so you can rest assured they have done everything they can to ensure that they stay registered. NHS practices are not inspected; they have no strict guidelines in place and are reviewed by the principal GP or one of his colleagues. This means that no compliance regulations are in place and that no governing body actually makes inspections.

I always find it very interesting when a client says to me “My health visitor told me that single vaccines are illegal and not available”. Firstly, can I say to all those health visitors out there that say this….”Please get your facts right”. As I have said these vaccines are not illegal they are just not licensed here but bought in under authorisation of the MHRA, this means that they do not need licensing here and are given under strict conditions. Single vaccines are most definitely available in the UK and I can tell you that of all the private health companies in the UK Direct Health 2000 Ltd is ranked 48th out of 86. This tells you that we are growing and increasing our client base of single vaccines at a growth rate of around 22% year on year.

The vaccine debate will get hotter still over the next few months, with the High Court judgements, Wakefields GMC hearing and new findings from America all due in the next 2 months it will be a telling time for vaccination.

I continue to hold tight to the right for parents to choose how to vaccinate and refuse to give up the fight to bring health officials to the table and re-educate and stop this dictator style health care in the UK. After all vaccination is not compulsory in this country and has not been since the introduction of the Vaccines Act in 1896 which was reviewed and left in place in 1906. It clearly states that NO vaccination is compulsory and that No child can be denied entry into schools without them!

Finally, don’t let your GP blackmail you into vaccination. He stands to lose his payment if you do not have it, what he does not know is that even if you have the vaccination done privately he can claim he “prize money” even if he did not administer it!!! The reason this has not been explained is that the DOH hope that it will keep us all at logger heads and stop us from working as a unified health profession, which at the end of the day is how it should be. I truly believe that some health professionals have lost sight of the really important person in all of this and that is the patient.

What ever you do, vaccinate and do your bit for the planets community and most importantly of all, YOUR CHILD, doing nothing is the worst thing you can do.

You have the right to choose, go on empower yourself, find out more, call 0870 2000 999 or go on line at www.dh2.co.uk"

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